Thinking Offense Will Help Override The Helpless Syndrome

As most of you know, I’m going through a difficult situation right now, and it’s not something I can go into.  But let’s suffice it to say, it demands a lot of my focus and attention.  Thursday afternoon, I was on the phone a lot.  Then in the evening, I had to type out my side of the story to get ready for a meeting I have coming up.  Then I sent it to my husband so that he can make his superiors in the military aware of the situation.  I got little sleep, did a lot of crying, and spent a lot of time online with my husband talking about what’s going on.  One thing I had decided was that I wasn’t going to lie down and let this just happen to me and my family.  Thursday was spent seeking advice on how to deal with things.  Friday was dedicated to doing what I needed to in order to get the ball rolling.

So yesterday (Friday) I spent half the day on my phone.  I then recorded what I did, what was said, and the outcome from the call.  Today is Saturday, so for this weekend, things won’t progress.  But Monday morning, I will go down and get copies of forms I had filled out early that will help support my side of the story because I am sure the person who is causing problems has lied on an important part of the story, and if I can get that proof, it helps my side.

I’m not saying I’ll win.  I might lose this one.  But I’ll know I did everything I possibly could to win.  I was thinking that’s really the difference.  It’s why I feel better this morning.  There are some factors I can’t control.  However, by doing something offensive (instead of staying in defense mode), I do feel a lot better.  I don’t know what the outcome will, but at least I can say I did everything I could.

This is not a plug for my book, but I am mentioning it here because it fits.  When I wrote Falling In Love With Her Husband, the heroine spent a couple of months stuck in defense mode.  She was so overwhelmed by fear that she couldn’t do anything but react.  Then one day, she realized she had enough and decided it was time to change how she responded to her fears.  She got active; she got offensive.  She learned how to protect herself.  I wrote this book a couple years back, and at the time, I thought what does someone do to resolve a situation where they really don’t have full control of the outcome?  I figured the most logical choice was for the person to do whatever was in their power (legally, of course) to protect him/herself. 

Why is that book on my mind?  A reader happened to mention that book in an email on Wednesday, and I thought, “I haven’t read that book for awhile.  I think I’ll read it again.”  Granted, I wrote it, but the whole purpose of writing is so I’ll have books I want to read.  Selfish motive, but it’s the truth.  🙂

This morning, I got to the part where the heroine took measures to protect herself, and I paid attention to how this was explained as she worked through the thought process that led her to taking action.  It was very inspiring and only confirmed what I started.  Like the heroine, I have concluded it’s better to be active (offensive) than stuck in fear (defensive).  Once the shock wears off, it’s time to get moving.

So I’m passing that along in case anyone else needs to be lifted up, should they be going through something painful.

About Ruth Ann Nordin

Ruth Ann Nordin mainly writes historical western romances and Regencies. From time to time, she branches out to contemporaries romances and other genres (such as science fiction thrillers). For more information, please go to or check out
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8 Responses to Thinking Offense Will Help Override The Helpless Syndrome

  1. mary says:

    Dear Ruth Ann,

    I can’t possibly know what’s going on, but I can feel the pain and dread in each line you’ve written. I will remind you that I will be praying for you, and it seems that many more of your friends will, too. If you have a prayer chain at church, get that going. I will pray all of Monday on your behalf. Remember that if God is for you, who can be against you?
    Also, it seems that the Lord will especially undergird the family of a military man, struggling without him at home. I AM PRAYING, Ruth. May the Lord grant You Blessings and Great Favor! Let us know what happens! Mary

    • Thanks, Mary. It worked out okay, thank God. Today was the big day, and now that it’s over, I’m exhausted. So I’ll continue to lay low for another few days while I gain my strength back. 🙂 Thanks for praying.

  2. Hey Ruth,
    Good luck with your business. Don says you have nothing to worry about it, and if your online later today I’ll tell you more about what he said.

  3. I am so sorry you’ve been pulled into something so stressful and frustrating. It sounds like you’re taking the right practical steps, despite being obviously very upset, and also the right emotional steps so you can look back and say “I did all I could.” I really hope this works out well for you.

    • Thanks. It was rough, but everything turned out okay today. I’m still rattled, so it’ll take a few days to settle down. The tough part now will be catching up on emails, but that’s a tough part I’ll gladly take. And yes, I figured no matter what happened, I had to know I did everything I could.

  4. First, big hugs for you and prayers and well wishes for whatever it is you are going through! remember you have friends (even if some of us are just online here) so you’re never alone!

    Yes! you never want to be on the defensive side. I don;t know when I “learned” that for sure, but I know it has been a “strategy” since I can remember, even at school when I;d have a fight with one of my friends or something, the first thing to do is flip it. The defense is the weaker position, so always put the other person on it. (sounds mean, but you know what I mean). I think the same goes for most things. Grab it by the horns, look it in the face and kick it in the knees (figuratively. the only thing i can think of literally with horns should never be kicked in the knees!)

    • Thanks! Yeah, I know what you mean. One incident in the past had me purely on the defensive, and what made me madder than anything else (when I looked back on it) was that I was too shocked and scared to do anything about it so I let some people walk all over me. Well, this time I decided I wasn’t going to let history repeat itself, and though some people didn’t like it, I said I was going to do what I felt was right. I feel much more in control of everything now, though I am so exhausted I can’t write anything. My mind is still a jumble of nerves. It takes awhile to get back to normal. But I’m glad I stood up and did something about it so I’m happy.

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