Yesterday was the last day of school for my kids. Now it’s summer for them. My deaf kid goes to summer school all day from May 31 to June 17. My second kid goes to ‘summer enrichment’ (got to not say ‘school’ these days I guess) for two hours from June 6-30. So it’s not ‘really’ summer vacation until July 1. However, I woke up this morning and decided I didn’t want to keep living in a pig sty for the next three months and did the dirty C. That’s right. I cleaned. The whole house is now presentable should anyone pop in for a surprise visit. I hope no one does since I’m not big into having company over here. Were it not for my husband and kids, I’d be a social hermit.
So anyway, I was hoping by cleaning the house, I would also be able to clear the cobwebs in my mind. Sometimes when the house is messy (with four young boys, this is often the case), I feel messy in mind. It’s like the clutter around me affects how I mentally feel about my situation. Whenever I feel stuck, I’ve found cleaning helps me get over it faster.
Now, I have made a decision. I will try to write the rest of Bride of Second Chances offline. I honestly don’t know if I can keep writing something and posting it in public in the future. Knowing your work is going public the same day you write it is daunting. It was easier to do that when I had very few people stopping by the blog to check it out. I figured these were author friends and regular friends who were humoring me. So I didn’t think they were actually reading anything but stopped by to give my blog a slight hit boost for the day.
Now that I am aware of it, I’ve started second guessing everything I’m doing. I’m not thinking of the way the characters want me to go or how the story is flowing. I’m thinking, ‘What will they think of X, Y, or Z.’ So I’m not going with my gut feeling on the story. I need to go with my gut.
During my much needed break in July, I am going to have to decide what to do with the first draft blogs for Ruth and Kate. With Kate, it’s still easy because so few people read it, I’m not ‘on stage’ yet, if that makes any sense. But for Ruth, it’s getting harder with each book I write. I feel like everyone is looking over my shoulder, and I’ve never worked well under supervision. When I worked in school or at work, I’ve done my best when left alone. When watched, I had a hard time completing my task. This was a big reason why I decided not to pursue teaching. I almost became an elementary school teacher after I got a degree in Psychology. Why did I go into Psychology? Because I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life besides write books and get married and have kids. So I went to college with grand plans to find my husband. Didn’t happen. I got a degree instead. I opted for Psychology because my dad liked it and because it was one of the few majors I had an actual interest in. I then went back to school to pursue elementary education, which is where I finally found my husband (but he wasn’t in school; I met him online). I dropped education thing in favor of staying home and being a mom.
I spent my spare time writing, and no one is more suprised than I am at where I am today. I still remember how tickled I was to learn I could put my stories into an actual book. My days of printing out copies of my stories and sticking them in binders were over. Finally, I could have a paperback of a story I wrote. and take it with me when I went out somewhere. I planned to get a Kindle when we could afford it, so that is why I put my work into ebooks. It had nothing to do with other people reading my books. I made a website and blogs, but I was mainly doing it out of my personal enjoyment. I thought it was fun to have a website where I could look at my books (yes, it was a vanity thing), and then I got on blogs and found I loved to ramble. This blog post being a perfect example of the rambling I tend to do.
I got into listening to stuff on marketing and found that I liked learning the new methods more than putting them into practice. So I listened to everything I could find on podcasts. I prefer listening to podcasts instead of reading books. See, I can listen to a podcast while doing the household duties, but I have to stop everything to read. Now, if Amazon will make a mini Kindle that I could put in my pocket so I can listen to books while working around the house, I’ll be set.
Okay. Enough random spouting off about stuff that isn’t significant. I guess I’m just in a talk-a-tive mood today. 😀