I’ve been playing around with a program called GIMP that allows you to merge pictures, and I decided I would make a novel poster on behalf of Joel Larson. As a bonus, I thought I’d bring in Joel and his brother, Tom Larson, for an interview. Without further ado, here is the poster…
Ruth: What? Is this or is this not how you describe Shotgun Groom?
Joel: You fail to understand the complexity of the situation. A man’s bachelorhood is scared. You’re treating this whole thing like it’s a joke. And what’s worse is what you put at he very bottom. Tom is a co-star in this book?
Ruth: Tom asked to be a part of your life when you were most miserable, and I saw no reason to tell him no.
Joel: Oh come on! You know Tom’s going to take April’s side on everything. He gets a sick and twisted pleasure out of watching me suffer. You should have Dave be a prominent character in the book. Don’t your readers like Dave Larson more than Tom? I seem to remember some emails where women said Dave was the ideal hero.
Ruth: When an author writes a book, it’s important to consider the personalities of the characters. You and Tom just have that certain chemistry that makes the scenes you two are in come alive.
Joel: That is so lame. Why don’t you just come out and say you wanted Tom to be in the story because you know he’ll give me the greatest amount of grief? Just what is his role in this travesty anyway?
Ruth: He’s going to be the one who holds the gun to your head while you get married.
Joel: You’ve got to be kidding me! This is so embarrassing. I’ll never live this one down. He’ll be bragging about this whenever the family gets together. Can this interview get any worse?
Ruth: For fun, I thought it’d be fun to bring him in.
Joel: *lets out a weary sigh* Figures. Tom, why are you here?
Tom: Well, Ruth asked me if I’d be willing to do an interview, and I thought, “What the hey? It’s for my brother Joel. I’ll do almost anything for him.” Ruth, this is the best book ever! I read what you got so far and am loving every single word! I can’t wait to see what you’ll do to torture Joel–I mean, advance the plot–next. Sep showing up with that gun in the kitchen to stop Joel from leaving and then stopping him again at the barn were perfect. I never saw Joel so intimidated by anyone before, much less a fourteen-year-old boy.
Joel: I wasn’t intimidated! The kid is just a kid. I told you that was implausible, Ruth.
Tom: Implausible or incredible? Believe me, it was incredible. That Sep kid has a lot of spunk. I already know we’re going to get along great! But the best part of the book so far is that scene where April dumped water all over Joel! I still read it to Jessica and the girls every night at bedtime. The girls can’t stop laughing when April outwits Joel.
Joel: *scowls at Tom* Traitor.
Tom: Oh right, Joel. *rolls eyes* I wouldn’t do anything to you that you wouldn’t do to me. I’ve been waiting a long time for this book.
Joel: So you’ve been waiting for this book ever since I said Jessica only married you because she lost the bet when she drew straws with Margaret on who was going to be the heroine in A Bride for Tom?
Tom: You said what?
Joel: *rubs chin* Or maybe I said that to Dave. It’s hard to remember. It’s been years since poor Jessica got stuck with you.
Tom: I can’t wait to get that shotgun out, Joel! The look on your face alone is worth all the years of aggravation you put me through.
Joel: And who is going to marry us? I’m going to tell the preacher no. I don’t care if you’re holding a gun or not.
Tom: You’ll see. That’s the best part. I can’t wait!
Joel: Oh joy. My life keeps going from bad to worse.
Tom: I’ll give you a hint. Everyone will have to judge the scene for themselves. Get it? See how I slipped in the identity of the man who’s going to marry you and April? I show up for the first time in chapter seven where I’m told you’re missing. As your “concerned” older brother, I go looking for you. I hope Ruth ends this interview and writes that scene in soon! I can’t wait to welcome April and Sep into the family!
Joel: Thanks a lot, Ruth. It wasn’t bad enough that you trapped me into a marriage. You have to bring Tom into it?
Ruth: Yep. Now I’m off to do some writing. I hope to make my word count tonight. The rest of Chapter Seven is from Tom’s point of view.
Joel: Forgive me if I don’t jump up and down in excitement like Tom is.
Ruth: I know it’s hard to believe, but you’ll actually be happy by the end of the book.
Joel: You mean, I get out of the marriage?
Ruth: Nope. You’ll be happy because of your marriage.
Joel: I find that hard to believe. If you’ll excuse me, I need to prepare for my death march down the aisle.
Tom: And I’m going to get things ready for the blessed event!
Well, there you have it. Tom finally gets what he’s been hoping for, and Joel’s world is coming to an end. My work here is done. 😀