Ruth: The results for the sexiest hero are in and in a pretty strong lead is Dave Larson–

Joel: You’ve got to be kidding me.

Ruth: Nope.  He got the most votes.

Joel: It has to be the books.  There’s no way he could win had it not been for Eye of the Beholder.

Dave: Sour grapes, Joel.  Sour grapes.

Joel: What do you know?

Dave: Well, I know that being a nerd is highly overrated.

Joel: *gasps*  I am not a nerd!

Tom: I didn’t get any votes.  😦  Not a single person voted for me. 

Joel: That’s because no woman wants a big bar of chocolate shoved in her face.

Rick: Who came in second?

Ruth: Neil.

Dave: Neil?

Ruth: Come on, Dave.  You worked things out with him in Isaac’s Decision.  Don’t be so surprised.

Joel: That settles it.  Dave is only nice in the books.  Otherwise, he’s a blowhard. 

Ruth: That was only one competition.  There will be more.  Tonight we’re going to find out who is the best poet.

Owen: Hold up.  What was the score for everyone?  Dave was first, Neil was second, and Tom came in last.  So where do Rick, Owen, and I fit in?

Ruth: As of right now, here are the results: Dave got 19 votes.

Dave: Yay!

Ruth: Neil got 9 votes.  Joel got 5.  Rick got 4.  Owen got 2, and Tom got 0.

Joel: Unbelievable.  Dave won by a landslide. 

Ruth: Well, at any rate, let’s get on to the poetry.  Who’s up first?  Tom?

Tom: Okay.  I’ll go.

“Rose are red.
Violets are blue.
You’re super cute
And fun to be with, too.”

Joel: Wow.  I see another 0 votes coming your way.

Tom: What’s wrong with it?  I wrote this for Jessica when I proposed to her.

Joel: You’re not making your case any better, Tom. 

Tom: But she giggled, said it was adorable and agreed to marry me.

Joel: You’re not helping your case.

Tom: Oh fine.  If you’re so great.  You do one.

Joel: I will. *clears throat*

“Lady rose
of my desire
ever yours”

Tom: And you said mine wasn’t any good?  At least mine made sense.

Joel: Mine is an English Haiku.

Tom: Bless you.

Joel: What?

Tom: You sneezed.  I just said ‘bless you,’ to be nice.

Joel: Oh good grief.  It’s “haiku,” not “achoo.” And it’s an English one, not a Japenese one, so there are less syllables required per line. 

Tom: But it doesn’t even rhyme.

Joel: Not all poems have to rhyme, Tom.

Rick: Move aside, guys.  Here’s how it’s supposed to be done:

“If I were to judge beauty
How far would I have to go
To the heights of of heaven
With its stars all aglow
Or would I seek out the fields
Where the spring flowers bloom
Maybe the sunset with its glory
Right as twilight looms
How about the majesty of the
Mountains towering high
Or the swell of the surf
As it brings in the tide
From east to west, I’ve been
And high and low have I sought
But I searched in vain
And found it’d all been for naught
Then you came into my life
Now I understand beauty
Not just in your touch and kiss
But also in the way you love me”

Joel: Oh sure.  That’s fine if you’re going by length.

Tom: At least it rhymed.

Owen: I just finished mine.  It’s called “Jenny.”

“Just for being you
Each and every day
No other is as lovely
Nor as desirable as you
You are in my heart forever”

Tom: What is it with these poems that don’t rhyme?

Owen: It’s a name poem, Tom.  Those don’t have to rhyme.

Tom: At least Rick’s poem rhymed.  I hope he beats both of you.

Dave: I got one that rhymes.

Joel: *rolls eyes* I suppose this will be another winner.

Dave: Hey, I worked hard on this.  It’s not easy for me to write.

Joel: You can say that again.  I still remember your silly endings for Isaac’s Decision.

Tom: Oh come on.  He wasn’t that bad.

Joel: And then he gave himself all those 5-star reviews.  Tacky, Dave.  So tacky.

Dave: I will not let you get under my skin, Joel.  I wrote this for Mary.

“My life was incomplete
Until the day I met you
The empty hours, lonely nights
I didn’t know how I made it through
But that’s all over now
Since you came into my life
To make my house a home
And to be my cherished wife
With each and every passing year
I love you more than the one before
And with the years we still have
I know I’ll love you even more”

Joel: Hey, you didn’t write a poem to yourself. 

Tom: Of course, he didn’t.

Joel: With Dave, you never know.  I seriously thought we’d be hearing something like this:

“Yo, the name is Dave
and I’m really buff
I work on a farm
so I’m ultra-tough
I get two books
Instead of one
And I’ll have number three
Before I’m done
The sun revolves around me
And the moon and stars too
It’s me, myself, and I
No one else will do”

Tom: Honestly Joel, that poem fits your clothes a lot better than the achoo one.

Joel: *groans* Haiku!  It’s a haiku!  I really wish I could force you to take an interest in learning something that doesn’t involve farming.

Neil: Can I do my poem or are you all going to do bickering back and forth all night?

Joel: Oh, right.  I forgot there was someone else in this competition. 

Neil: I appreciate the warm welcome, Joel.

Joel: Oh, I was kidding.  Go on with your poem.

Neil: Here goes:

“How lovely is my bride who makes my life worthwhile, my life worthwhile;
What sweet dreams could entice you while you sleep?
For in this sleep, your lips curl into a most becoming smile.
Are you dreaming of memories to cherish, of memories to keep?
Could it be me who occupies your mind at night as the moon kisses your brow;
While the summer breeze caresses your skin, caresses your skin.
For whether it be day or night, in wake or sleep, as time allows,
I often find you stealing my thoughts, time and time again.”

Owen: *sighs* So much for the Jenny poem.

Joel: It’s better than Tom’s.  And a most excellent choice, Neil, to pick a Refrain Type poem.

Tom: I don’t know.  It rhymed, which was cool, but there were those weird repeating phrases.  Like “life worthwhile”.  I think it should only be said once.

Joel: *rolls his eyes* Of course you do.  You don’t understand the structure of this type of poem. 

Tom: I don’t care what you said.  My poem was better than that.  I should get at least one vote this time.

Neil: Oh, good grief.  It’s not up for you to decide.  It’s up to the people to vote.

Ruth: With that said, I’ll get the poll so you can vote!  😀