Tom: *approaches Ruth* Nice picture you presented of yourself.
Ruth: I don’t know what you mean.
Tom: Oh puhleeze. Of course, you know what I mean. Just look at how you presented yourself to everyone:
Tom: You did this as a ploy to to gain as much sympathy as you could. I saw that bottle of Visine you brought into the court today, so you could cry on command. Hence, the fake tears. If we were to see the real you in this whole fiasco, it would look like this!
Joel: What is that supposed to be? A joke?
Tom: No, this is not a joke.
Joel: It has to be a joke. The tiara? Really?
Tom: I figure if she’s going to act like a spoiled princess, the tiara fits.
Joel: Objection, your honor!
Tom: Sustained? You denied all of my objections.
Rick: That’s because you putting a tiara on Ruth and presenting her as a whiny snot is an effort to persuade the jury in their vote.
Tom: And Ruth crying fake tears isn’t?
Rick: You can’t prove the tears were fake.
Tom: But the bottle of Visine–
Rick: It’s conjecture, Tom. Now continue questioning her but leave her picture out of this.
Tom: *sighs* Fine. Ruth, the truth of the matter is, you habitually don’t listen to the needs of your characters. Case in point, Joel Larson when he didn’t want to get married to April.
Ruth: And you’ll note that you had a hand in that one, Tom. You were more than happy to see Joel married off.
Tom: But there are other examples, and none of them include me. What about the time Isaac Larson married Emily? Dave spent days and days crying–
Dave: I wouldn’t say days and days–
Rick: *bangs gavel* You’ll get your turn, Dave. Wait to speak until then.
Dave: I just want to make it clear that I don’t go around crying. I’m not weak.
Rick: Do I need to remove you from my courtroom for creating a disturbance?
Joel: Your honor, let the record show that Dave Larson makes it a habit of creating trouble wherever he goes.
Tom: Objection, your honor. Joel’s comment has no validity to this case.
Rick: Objection denied. Let’s get back to the questions.
Tom: *rolls eyes* Anyway, Ruth, you make it a habit of not listening to your characters, and there’s a long list. You have Dave Larson when it came to Isaac’s Decision, Claire and Nate in The Earl’s Inconvenient Wife…
*a minute passes*
Tom: I’m thinking, I’m thinking.
Joel: Your honor, I ask that we move Tom along to another question. Ruth has obviously only had three grievances while writing a book, and one of them was Tom’s doing. Considering she’s had 26 romances, I don’t see how three books where she argued with her characters is enough to build an argument on.
Rick: You’ll have to let the jury decide that one. Please move on to the next question, Tom.
Tom: Alright. Let’s see… *rubs the back of his neck*
Mary: *pats Dave’s back to comfort him*
Tom: I know! Ruth, haven’t you time and time again told characters they will get books or that you’ll write their books at a certain time but then drop the book in favor of another book?
Ruth: Well, that’s easy to explain.
Tom: Is it? *crosses arms and narrows his eyes*
Ruth: Sure. Some characters are louder and more demanding than others, and those are the characters I have to write about. I can’t make characters ready for the book. They either are or they aren’t.
Tom: Sounds like you’re avoiding the question.
Ruth: No, I’m not. It’s how writing works. Take Shotgun Groom. I was ready to write it back in 2010, but Joel and April weren’t ready until 2011. If I had written the story before they were ready, it wouldn’t have been the best book possible. Every time I write a book that isn’t ready to be written, I end up having to rewrite it. It’s how the writer’s mind works–or at least, it’s how my mind works.
Tom: I don’t buy it.
Joel: Objection! Whether or not Tom believes Ruth is irrelevant. The jury decides the case, not him.
Rick: Objection sustained.
Tom: What? Why do you always deny my objections, but you’ll sustain Joel’s?
Rick: I don’t believe you have a valid point when you give an objection, Tom.
Tom: I demand another judge.
Rick: Too bad. You’re stuck with me, and it’s not up to you to decide who the judge is.
Tom: That’s right. It’s not. But I know who picked the judge. It was her! *points to Ruth* She makes it a habit of manipulating things to her advantage, and for this case, she’s picked Rick Johnson whose book she just released. A book, I might add, which features him as the hero. She buttered him up and brought him here.
Tom: Objection denied!
Rick: Objection sustained! Tom, I’m ready to hold you in contempt.
Tom: I have no other questions for Ruth. I believe everyone has proved my point. *returns to his seat and sits down*