This interview is based on the scene I posted a couple days ago.
Ruth: Fortunately, Lord Edon and his mother have agreed to come in for an interview.
Lord Edon: About that. I want you to remove that part in the scene about me reading Shakespeare.
Ruth: But it’s the truth.
Lord Edon: Maybe, but no one needs to know it.
Ruth: Even your mother?
Lord Edon: Especially my mother.
Lord Edon: Seriously? You have to ask me that? You’re the one who gave me such a rakish reputation in The Earl’s Inconvenient Wife and Her Counterfeit Husband. Granted, I had no actual dialogue in Her Counterfeit Husband, but I believe my reputation speaks volumes about what kind of guy I am.
Ruth: Well, yes. It’s true that you are notorious.
Lord Edon: Yes, I frighten young virgins everywhere and terrify their fathers even more. Sometimes I wonder if the fathers are afraid for their daughters or that I might win all their money in a game. Not that I try to win. For the life of me, I can’t lose, no matter how bad of a hand I think I got.
Lord Edon: I have been up to now. What with you exposing my secrets and all, I might as well hang myself.
Ruth: Oh, stop being dramatic.
Lord Edon: If you were in my shoes, you wouldn’t be so quick to judge.
Ruth: You can’t be a bachelor forever. The sooner you face up to it, the better off you’ll be. Besides, you knew your book was coming when I introduced you in The Earl’s Inconvenient Wife. You were so adorable with the way you skirted around Lord Roderick’s questions about pleasing his wife in bed.
Lord Edon: I skirted nothing. I just knew the book I gave him would be better. It even had drawings and if anyone needed help, it was him. I figured since he loves maps so much, the drawings would help him understand the female body better.
Ruth: Maybe it would have helped you, too, if you took the time to have read it before giving it to him.
Lord Edon: *gasp* What are you implying?
Ruth: I think we both know what–
Lord Edon: You know what? It doesn’t even matter what you think. Who are you anyway? You’re just a writer. You’re not a duchess or countess or even the daughter of a titled gentleman. If you were anyone important, others would have heard about you. Even Lord Roderick who is totally lame when it comes to knowing anyone outside of Parliament doesn’t know who you are. I mean, you’re not even in the Tittletattle. Show up in a scandalsheet, and I might pay attention to what you have to say.
Ruth: Funny as you’re trying to be, I’ll have everyone reading this know that you pay someone to submit false things about you to the Tittletattle.
Lord Edon: You can’t do that!
Ruth: I just did.
Lord Edon: That’s it. The gloves are off. I’m not sitting still for the way you’re ruining my reputation as a rake!
Ruth: Oh yeah? Bring it.
Lord Edon: Don’t think I won’t!
Ruth: And while you’re at it, be sure to say hi to your mother. I decided to bring her to the interview.
Ruth: I can, but I need your help.
Rhonda: I’ll do anything it takes.
Lord Edon: What in the world happened to you, Mother? Did some hideous creature throw up on your clothes?
Rhonda: When I’m not in the book, I can dress any way I want to.
Lord Edon: You mean you’re not being forced to wear that awful thing? Someone isn’t standing behind you with a gun to your head?
Rhonda: I could ask the same about your hair, spike boy. And aren’t you supposed to be a blond?
Lord Edon: Point taken. I won’t insult the clothes you wear when you’re not in the book. However, I like being a brunette. Everyone knows they’re sexier.
Rhonda: *closes her eyes and shakes her head* Ethan, you must stop worrying about the “s” word and focus on getting married so you can have an heir.
Lord Edon: I hate to break this to you, but doing what you want requires me to think about sex.
Rhonda: You see what I have to deal with? There’s no stopping him. Ethan, even if that’s true–
Lord Edon: It is true. Babies aren’t born any other way.
Rhoda: *sighs* Even though that’s true, you aren’t supposed to enjoy it. Or at least, you wouldn’t dare mention enjoying it while I’m around.
Ruth: Are you saying he mentions enjoying the “s” word when you’re around?
Rhoda: No, he doesn’t, thank God.
Ruth: Well, you have no need to worry about him enjoying it at all because–
Lord Edon: Don’t you have another character you can torture? Whatever happened to Dave Larson? Aren’t you going to write another book about him? One in which he gets impotent?
Lord Edon: Oh, Mother. It slipped out. I didn’t mean to say it in front of you. *whispers to everyone but his mother* “I’m fully capable of doing it. I’m not impotent, so don’t think that’s what Ruth plans to do to me”
Rhoda: *sighs* I don’t even want to know what Ethan said, so no one tell me. Ethan, you will get married. If I have to cause a scene in public to force your hand, I’m going to see to it that you’re married. Even if I have to drag the poor lady down the aisle of the church–
Ruth: It won’t come to that, though there will have to be some public situation that forces his hand.
Rhoda: Whatever it takes, I’ll do it. That boy needs to settle down. If I see one more of his indiscretions mentioned in the Tittletattle, it’ll be the death of me.
Ruth: Don’t worry. Just send him to the next ball, and I’ll tell you what to do. You’ll have a good, respectable lady for him to marry before the end of the night.
Rhoda: What a relief.
Lord Edon: I’d like to go on record as saying that females are the most meddlesome creatures known to man.