This morning, I woke up to another email from Malcolm Jasper. Apparently, he wants to come back to His Wicked Lady.
You remember him. He’s the one who believes he’s much too good for His Wicked Lady. He sent in his resignation, claiming I’m forcing him to spend too much time in the bedchamber and ruining his reputation.
You’ll further remember I granted his request and replaced him with Dr. Derek Westward. I had been working on rewrites and working things out to fit Derek because Derek isn’t the uptight prude Malcolm is.
The results came in, and quite frankly, more people thought Derek was the better choice.
Malcolm: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What do you mean people said Derek was the better choice?
Ruth Ann Nordin: I got a flood of emails from people saying they love the chemistry between Derek and Regan. Apparently, those two sizzle when they’re together.
Malcolm: I can sizzle.
Ruth Ann Nordin: Considering your reluctance to have anything to do with Regan, I’m not sure you can.
Regan: The only thing Malcolm sizzles with is money. Even if I wore a dress made up of money, he would only take enough interest in me to grab the money. After that, I would be completely naked, and would he be interested? No. He’d take that money and run to one of his important dinner parties with Lord Steinblech.
Malcolm: First, it’s Lord Steinbeck, not Steinblech. Second, it’s ridiculous to think you’d ever wear a dress made of money. Those bills would never stick together.
Regan: That’s not the point, and this is why you are boring. We’re not talking about a physical dress made of money. We are talking about your lack of enthusiasm for something as natural and as fun as sex. Quite frankly, I had way much more fun with Derek.
Malcolm: You didn’t actually have a sex scene with him, did you?
Regan: We didn’t go all the way, if that’s what you mean, but he did hold me against his strong, muscular body. I also got a chance to see him naked in the same scene you covered yourself up in, and quite frankly, he’s even more impressive naked than he feels when he holds me.
Malcolm: I’m not so bad when I take off my clothes. Granted, I might not be as muscular as Derek, but I’m far smarter. I didn’t get to where I am today by wasting time on worthless pursuits like getting drunk and engaging in meaningless dalliances with ladies. I am one of the smartest gentlemen in London. Intelligence is the sexiest quality a gentleman can have.
Regan: Actually, a sense of humor is the sexiest quality a gentleman can have.
Malcolm: I can have a sense of humor.
Regan: You have yet to prove that. Derek, on the other hand, used the poorly edited rewrites Ruth has done and made it funny.
Ruth Ann Nordin: Poorly edited?
Regan: You aren’t getting those KDP Quality Report notices for nothing, Ruth.
Derek: I just wanted to speak up and insert something in this senseless blog post where Malcolm is whining. There is no denying I am strong, muscular, and totally gorgeous, especially without clothes on. I defy anyone who’ve seen me when I took off my shirt at the Duke of Rumsey’s ball to say otherwise. But Malcolm, it’s really a kick below the belt to suggest I spend my time drinking and sleeping around with ladies. You must be under the impression doctors have nothing better to do than waste their time. While you’re running around doing your investments to make yourself more money, I’m healing people from illnesses. I don’t discriminate either. I don’t shut out hurting people just because they haven’t led a squeaky clean, pristine perfect life. Everyone should be treated as a human being.
Malcolm: I didn’t say I discriminate against anyone.
Derek: No, you just implied you’re better than everyone else.
Malcolm: I did not.
Derek: You said you’re one of the smartest gentlemen in all of London.
Malcolm: I am. That doesn’t mean I said I’m better than everyone else.
Derek: It was implied.
Malcolm: I didn’t imply it. You did. All I stated was that I’m smart, and that happens to be the truth. You laud your physical stature. I laud my intellectual stature.
Derek: When it comes to romance, ladies want a gentleman who can be passionate in bed.
Malcolm: I can be passionate in bed. Ruth, bring me back into the story, and I’ll prove it.
Ruth Ann Nordin: I’m not sure you can do it, Malcolm.
Malcolm: Sure I can. Bring me into a love scene with Regan. I’ll make the scene so hot it’ll melt the eReader.
Regan: And the whole humor thing? Can you learn to lighten up?
Malcolm: Of course, I can. I can be funny. I can even tell jokes. How many Logans does it take to light a candle? Answer, none. Logan doesn’t even know what a candle is. (Logan is Malcolm’s brother-in-law and hero in Ruined by the Earl.)
Derek: Seriously? You call that a joke? This book’s in trouble.
Regan: I have to agree with Derek. That wasn’t funny at all.
Malcolm: Fine. I don’t tell a joke. But I’ll start laughing when funny things happen in the book. Deal?
Regan: I guess we can try it and see how things go, but if it doesn’t work out, I want Derek back.
Malcolm: Regan, by the time I’m finished with you, you won’t even remember who Derek is.
Ruth Ann Nordin: Sounds like an interesting challenge. Let’s see if he can pull it off. In case anyone is wondering if we’ll ever see Derek again, I have assigned him to the next book in this series, which comes out May 8, 2016:
Picture Credits (I did purchase all of these)
Malcolm shocked: ID 33145394 © Zigf | Dreamstime.com
Regan: ID 11244941 © Denis Raev | Dreamstime.com
Derek: ID 33943215 © Mystock88photo | Dreamstime.com
Malcolm new look: ID 55139661 © Viorel Sima | Dreamstime.com