Well, the reviews for Dave Larson’s rewrite of the ending of Isaac’s Decision have started coming into my inbox, so I thought I’d share them. In case you missed the post, this is what Dave wrote as the ending for Isaac’s Decision:
Isaac wasn’t sure if listening to his father was a good idea. But he knew his father had his best interest at heart, so he decided to take Eva home without any of his brothers or sisters tagging along. He took Eva home, and they had a wonderful conversation. He thought that maybe his father was right and he would give Eva a second chance.
When they arrived at her home, her father asked him if he wanted to visit for awhile, and he agreed. Isaac had such a good time, he asked Eva if he could court her. She said yes but said she couldn’t officially be courted until after her teaching contract was over. Soon enough, it was, and they did. By the end of the year, they were married and lived happily ever after because she was a good wife who was a lot like his mother and he had a wonderful mother.
Now for the reviews:
REVIEW TITLE: A Masterpiece! (5-Stars)
REVIEWED BY: Not Dave Larson
This is such a great story! I worried that Isaac Larson, the hero of this book who was brought up with good, respectable parents, would make the grievous mistake of choosing Emily, but suddenly at the very end, the book took a turn for the best. Whew! I was on pins and needles the whole time. Thank goodness he listened to his wise father and married someone like his mother who is the best woman to ever live!
REVIEW TITLE: The Most Well-Written Book on the Planet! (5+ Stars)
REVIEW BY: Not Dave Larson This Time Either
Wow! This book just blew me away. Well, not as much Eye of the Beholder did. That was, by far, the best book ever written. But this one came second place. Okay. Maybe it won’t be as good as To Have and To Hold. But it’s definitely the best top three books that
Dave Larson, I mean, Ruth Ann Nordin has ever written. What flair! What style! What mastery of the English language! Such superb talent should not go unnoticed. If there was a Writer’s Hall of Fame, he, I mean, she would be right there. We should all aspire to write such grammatically correct and well-edited books such as this, and of course, Eye of the Beholder and To Have and To Hold.
REVIEW TITLE: Couldn’t Put It Down (5-stars)
REVIEW BY: An Uninterested Third Party Who Has Nothing To Gain By Posting This Review
I don’t usually read romances. In fact, I tend to stay away from them because of the predictability factor. I mean, it’s like, “Here’s a romance book,” and I’m like, “No!” and I run for the barn. So when I saw this book on Amazon by my super good friend who in no way knows the author or those affiliated with the author and for sure who is not the author, I decided to trudge through another boring romance book. I settled into my recliner and bundled up under a blanket, sure I was going to fall asleep. And then I read page one. I’m telling you, it just blew me away! The twists, the turns! The anguish as Dave Larson tries to reach out and steer his innocent and naive son in the right direction. The gentle tenderness of Mary who once again brightens everyone’s day with one of her smiles! I laughed, I cried! I wished it could have gone on and on. Don’t think about reading this book. Read it! It will change your life forever. Buy it now! Now, I say! Did you click the “buy” button yet?
So those are three of the glowing reviews that came into my inbox.
But there’s more. Here are the ones that aren’t so…flattering.
REVIEW TITLE: Dreadful. Absolutely Dreadful. (1-Star)
REVIEW BY: A Customer With No Ulterior Motive
I bought this book because I’ve enjoyed all the other Larson books, Ms. Nordin has written, even though I’ve never felt the need to leave any sort of a review on those. However, I have decided to make my debut into world of book reviews to warn everyone that this one is 100% drivel. Claptrap pure and simple. The book starts off well enough, then suddenly it takes a giant nosedive and crashes and burns. It’s almost as if the author got tired of the book and handed it off to the worst ghost writer in the world. After a bit more investigation, I learned this is EXACTLY what happened. Dave Larson, the hero’s father decided to try his hand at writing, a let’s just say, he shouldn’t give up his farm. I swear, he is the worst writer ever! All he does is tell, tell, tell. Not that there’s much to tell. No. He wraps the whole thing up in two very rushed paragraphs, with the last couple words about his wife, not even the “heroine”. Talk about a jarring finish.
Furthermore, not only was the writing terrible at the end, I had steam spiraling out of my ears that Eva ended up being the heroine. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a good surprise in books. But this was NOT a good surprise. This little twist took a delightful romance and turned it into a horror novel in the span of about eight sentence.
My advice: do not let the sample fool you. This book is noting more than a waste. A waste of time. A waste of money. And a waste of 300Kb on my Kindle. Deleted!
REVIEW TITLE: Seriously Needs an Editor. ASAP! (1-Star)
REVIEWED BY: An Unbiased Reader Who Is Not A Jealous Author In Disguise (I Sware!)
Where do I begin? This book, if you can call it that, read like the first draft of a high school student. This is what happens when we allow the onslaught of scribblers who decide to self-publish their craptastic work to the Internet. We exchange our hard earned money for ameteur writing. Sure, I got the refund, but I’ll never get back the brain cells I lost while reading this. I’d go through adn point out all the grammatical errors. but after finding 100 in the first chapter, I gave up. This is in dire need of an editor. Please, please, Ruth Ann Nordin, find an editor before you loose all your readers!
REVIEW TITLE: Something fishy’s going on here. (1-Star)
REVIEWED BY: Legitimate Reviewer Who Is Not an Author Competing With Nordin By Trying to Hurt Sales on Nordin’s Books By Leaving Bad Reviews so I Can Sell More of My Books Because I Believe Readers Only Read One Author and That’s It
Okay, something is seriously wrong with those 5-star reviews. They’re obviously sockpuppets of the author because I read this book, and it is bad. The worst! If I could give it 0 stars, I would. It was like Nordin went on a suck-a-thon writing session in an attempt to kill her career. Having your character write the end of the book for you? Lame. Way lame. I’m never reading another book by her again. There are so many other authors who are lots better.
This post is all fiction and done for the sake of humor. There are authors who rig the system for good and for bad. The five stars were all from the same person (in this case Dave Larson) who is trying to mislead people into believing the reviews are legitimate. The one stars were based on other (fictional) authors who have a tendency to attack books that are selling better than theirs. One of the 1-star reviews is actually one a friend sent me as a joke, and I laughed so hard that I had to make this post.
So this post was just for fun. I had a blast writing it, and I think I might bring Dave in for another interview in a day or two with some other characters who might be willing to leave reviews of their own. 😉