Dave: I win! Ruth Ann Nordin has severe writer’s block! She stalled out on Isaac’s Decision and can’t go on. This is the best day ever. Now Isaac won’t end up with Emily, and better yet, he might even end up with Eva! I give myself two thumbs up for what Joel was unable to do during the writing of his book.
Joel: I’m going to kill you.
Joel: Yes, it does. In case you haven’t noticed, Shotgun Groom is due out around November 15. If she gets writer’s block so bad she can’t proceed with her books, then my book will never see the light of day. It’ll end up in the saddest place a book can go…the computer’s hard drive where it’ll stay forever. No one ever reads those books, Dave!
Dave: Oh come on. You’re overreacting.
Joel: She hasn’t written anything new in the past two days, thanks to you. That means Her Heart’s Desire and To Have and To Hold are currently stalled in addition to Isaac’s Decision. Your ridiculous antics have led to a chain reaction that could shut her down for good.
Joel: Moving aside, April. Give it to him, good!
Dave: You can’t be serious.
April: Deadly. You know how long it took for me to get Joel to agree to be a happy husband? For the longest time, all he did was mope and complain about how horrible having a wife was. And now that I won, you’re making all my patience and hard work for nothing.
Joel: Um, you mean that we both won, right?
April: What? Oh, okay. Yes, we both won.
Dave: Well, you don’t need to worry now. I’ve taken care of everything. You don’t have to try to battle feeling guilty while you talk to that Craftsman girl.
Joel: April, that hot and sticky substance you got isn’t enough. We need to get something hard and wooden to whack some sense into Dave. Got a thick tree branch where you’re at?
Emily: We don’t have to resort to violence, everyone.
Isaac: We don’t?
Emily: Of course not. There’s a very logical way out of this which will enable me to marry you, get Her Heart’s Desire and To Have and To Hold back on track, and make sure that Shotgun Groom goes out as planned.
Isaac: What’s that?
Emily: We kill Dave off. I think if he dies somewhere between Shotgun Groom and To Have and To Hold, we can still give Mary amnesia so she won’t mourn his passing. I’d hate to give her any grief since she’s been nothing but kind to me. Then Mary finds someone else who won’t have the hang ups Dave does. He’ll no longer bother Ruth and save her from any more grief in the future.
Joel: That’s not a bad idea. I vote for this guy. His name is Howard. He can be some guy who lost his farm in a big locust swarm or something. Maybe he’s a widower. I can fix him up with Mary. This could be a scene from To Have and To Hold. Look at how happy they are!
April: Where do you know Howard from?
Joel: He can be a friend I acquire between Shotgun Groom and To Have and To Hold. He’ll be lonely and looking for a wife, and there will be Mary who can’t run a farm by herself.
Dave: That’s enough, Joel and Emily! Ruth can’t get rid of me, no matter how much you two want it.
April: Make that three people who want it.
Dave: Fine. No matter how everyone but my son–remember you’re still my son, Isaac, so I expect some loyalty from you–wants to kill me off, it’s not happening. I am too important to the Nebraska Series.
Joel: Dave, when you walk into a room, how does your big ego fit through the door?
Dave: I don’t see any emails coming in for you or any of the other heroes in Ruth’s books like the ones that come in for me.
Joel: April, make that branch extra thick. Maybe we can knock that enormous ego out of him.
Dave: Thank you, Mary.
Mary: Because there’s no point. If Ruth can’t finish Isaac’s Decision with Isaac and Emily ending up together, then she won’t be writing any more books. And if she won’t be writing any more books, then To Have and To Hold will stall out to never be completed.
Dave: Well, yes. That’ll have to be the way it goes.
Mary: One might think it’s unfortunate. Here we are currently at the point where I’ve lost my memory but am starting to realize what a wonderful man I married. And one of the upcoming scenes will involve me with my husband in the bedroom, this time without any clothes on–
Mary: And Ruth was planning on three or four sex scenes in the book, which is far more than what she usually gives to any other romance she’s done.
Dave: You know, I might have been too hasty to do some of the things I’ve done in the past few interviews.
Mary: But it’s fine. We don’t need another book. We already have Eye of the Beholder. No other character gets two books where they get to be the main characters, so we don’t need a second one.
Dave: Now, wait. Let’s not be hasty. You should have another book dedicated to you, Mary. And when I think of it, you show up quite a bit in Isaac’s Decision, too. If it means Isaac marries Emily, then I’ll go along with it. Who knows? Maybe it won’t be so bad.
Joel: Oh brother. *rolls eyes*
April: At least, Shotgun Groom will be out in November.
Isaac: I’m just going to pretend I didn’t hear anything my mother said. *goes to wash his mind out with soap*